The Conundrum

In “Get Your Writing Done” last week, a lively discussion ensued about writing other people’s stories, such as in anecdotes, in our work. Can we write about other people’s experiences with integrity? Are there some “power issues” that come into play when we do so? Is it taking advantage of people? Here’s much of what we discussed, along with some of the solutions and experiments we came up with.

It began with the last ten minutes of class, when we often have one writer read an excerpt they would like feedback on. Colleen Wahl, a professor of dance and somatic educator/coach (and author of the textbook, Laban/Barenieff Movement Studies) read an intriguing anecdote, filled with curiosity and metaphor.  After the feedback, she raised an interesting question/concern, which we discussed. In writing up the discussion for the Get Your Writing Done community, I realized that this concern might be relevant to you as a reader of my blog, as well.

In response to a suggestion that she include her students more in the description of her experience, Colleen said she’s tired of just telling her own stories, but she’s concerned about sounding like “the expert” when it comes to people’s somatic experiences. Many people in her field write that way—and some make a lot of money off other people’s stories. That doesn’t feel right to her.

“I don’t want to seem like I have some great secrets—such as ‘I’ve healed someone.’ These are ideas we all have access to. It’s so common in my field to write about other people as if you have the secret to life and have helped someone in such a profound way. I think there’s a way I can do it honestly, and I need to find that way.”

Permission: Grappling with Telling People’s Stories—or Not—and Integrity Concerns about Anecdotes

I reflected that, in my experience with her writing, Colleen approaches the page with curiosity and awe—qualities that come across and do not sound like “I’m the expert.” I suggested she experiment; give it a try and ask yourself those questions (How do I do this in a way that’s authentic and in integrity?).

Kaye Michelle Pezzini, a yoga/meditation teacher and practitioner of energy medicine and mind-body therapies, whose book, Your Body Knows, is coming out in early 2027, offered an interesting suggestion. Her idea felt to me like it came straight from the story’s subject (which explored various aspects of her personality as embodied in her left and right hands): “Find out what part of you is objecting and what part isn’t?” Explore.

I also suggested that Colleen can create composites of students/clients so she isn’t actually taking someone’s full experience (and make that clear with a disclaimer at the beginning of the book). Another option is to ask permission to use someone’s story. If you get permission to use it (anonymously or not), then share with them what you wrote, and ask them to see if that reflects their experience and to feel free to clarify or change any aspects of it before you publish it.

Kaye shared that, “I felt uncomfortable sharing what gets told to me in trust as well, but I wanted to illustrate to others what’s possible, so I changed their names and other identifying information and also asked their permission. All but one person loved to be included. One person said she was very private, so I turned part of that story into a composite with permission.”

Kaye also gave Colleen the feedback, “You come off humble and inspiring, not like a know-it-all. [When I read your work, I feel] like you’re figuring it out on the page with us. Some people have an ability to open the door a little wider for the rest of us. You are that person! By the way, I struggled with that too (Who am I to write this?).”

Time to Draw from the Pool of Stories and Experiences

Colleen’s conclusion: “I’m so tired of writing just my own stories. I witness so many interesting things in others. I think there’s a way I can do it.”

How about you? Are you including other people’s stories? If so, how are you bringing integrity to the process? If not, is it time to consider it (particularly if you are writing a self-help book, how-to or textbook, but even for narrative nonfiction, such as memoir)?

Do you have any additional thoughts or ideas to add to the discussion? If so, please share in the comments below.